"We were atheists. Therefore all these ordeals were a real shock for me. In the Soviet Union, life was hard anyway, and to have a severely handicapped child was considered a curse of fate. I did not want to live. I did not see any hope. I was sure my life was ruined completely. Even when we were together again – with my wife and disabled son – I wished I would have died as soon as possible because I thought my life failed."